Crab Nicholson Plot as I Understand It

So our hero is some lame-ass NEET who lives alone in his disgusting house. Eh wallows in filth and misery and doesn't afraid of anything. One day, he wakes up to find a CRAB NOTE all up on his table and shit. It's all like,

"SUP DAWG I HERD U LIKE CRABS AND SLEEPOVERS SO WE PUT CRABS IN YOUR SLEEPING BAG SO YOU CAN WAKE UP TO FIND ALL OF YOUR LIMBS AND GENITALS HAVING BEEN SNIPPED OFF AND EATEN BY CRUSTACEANS. Also, bring booze, coke and bitches. Love, Crabby"

This sounds like more fun than your regular routine of crying while masturbating yourself into a semen-drenched coma-like state, so you get your shit and leave the house for the first time in eight years.